I love you, but we must part
by Eulphy Whitlock-Lupin
Summary: The Second part of I love you, That is true. Much more angsty... I do love you... but I love my people more.


**_Hi! This is Eulphy. This may have some Historical bg regarding ASEAN and Piri. But just so you know, this is based on what had happened. I apologized if there are bashings. Anyway, This is the Second part of : I love you, that is true._**

**_I love you, but we must part_**

**_Time passed and the Dark times came…_**

I felt my body shiver in fright. I've heard plenty of stories about the western men who threatened my family. I admit that I am mighty scared.

What if they try to hurt me? Or worse… what if they do something to harm my family? I doubt I can take such agonizing sorrow if they do. I am not quite sure I can forgive them if they do.

I watched the western men (_"Outsiders… Trespassers…" _I could hear my inner thoughts) from behind Zubu's Rajah. He had warned me to be wary of the westerners. Just as you and Temasek had warned me of their deceitful tongues the western people possess. I peeked a bit, observing them. They were much different than my people, even my sisters' people. Their color differs from white, to light white, to translucent white. Some bear the color of peach. But their hair colors ranges from the color of sand to the color of coconut.

Then, I noticed one who seemed to standout more than the rest. It was in a different way, though. He looked relatively normal. But his eyes, which were scrutinizing my island, seemed to be older than his physical manifestation. It was just like Uncle China's… like my sisters… like mine...

_Could it be?_

He must have noticed me too, because he raised his hand and waved, his eyes focused on me and a tight smile plastered on his face. And at that moment, I made my most grievous mistake.

I waved back.

**_We were separated by the white men…_**

I tiptoed silently as I move towards the beach. The dress that Espana had coaxed me to wear was absolutely uncomfortable. He had done many changes to me. From what I wear, to what I do. He had forbid me in playing our favorite game, **sungka**_. _He even changed what I was called.

**Las Islas Filipinas**, which is what he calls me nowadays.

I am scared with all the changes. It's happening so fast. I'm scared that he'll even take _you _away from me. I won't let that happen. I won't let anyone take you away from me. That's why I was sneaking out in the middle of the night: to meet you in secret.

I waited for you by the huge boulder where the waves crashed. It was our boulder. I didn't have to wait long. Your boat appeared. I saw you jumped down when the boat reached the less than the knee part. And I immediately flung myself into your awaiting arms. That moment… I was happy.

Unfortunately, it didn't last too long. I was caught. My heart pounded in pain as Nueva Espana pulled me away from you. Tears fell down my cheeks as I see Espana hurt you.

I cried and cried, because I know I was at fault for your pain.

**_I was unable to break free of their hold…_**

Shackles.

I was in Shackles.

It was the first time that I was punished so vehemently. It was the first time I saw Espana's dark side. It was the first time I understood the true meaning of what my people had cried, what my sisters had warned me of. I understood the White men's Black heart.

I was panting from exhaustion. My lips were dry and my throat in need of water. I kept on licking my lips, gulping down the bile trying to rise and forcing my drooping eyes to stay open. My hands were shackled as were my feet. Cuts, bruises, and other injuries littered my body. He had said that it was my punishment. He said that I deserved it because I tried to run away again; that I tried to desert him.

I shivered as cool drops of water leaked from the pipe on my prison ceiling. I wanted to scream how much it hurts. I wanted to scream for help. I wanted to scream for no reason at all. I wanted to be free from my prison. I want to be with you and our family. I want you to embrace me, telling me it will all be all right, telling me you'll protect me.

Unconsciously, tears fell down my cheeks. My limbs were weak and my body was in pain. What's worse is not the physical pain. It was the emotional strain in me that hurts the most. I miss my family. I miss my Ate Nesia's cooking, my Ate Laysia's eating, Timor's cute self. And I miss you.

Inside my head, I cried, _Somebody… anyone… please save me._

**_I didn't want anyone to get hurt…_**

I heard the bars of my prison clang and the door creak open. I closed my eyes. I felt my body tremble, fear surged my broken bones. I prayed to God that it isn't time for my hourly torture. It seems that it isn't. I opened my eyes ever so slowly when I heard someone call my name, especially when I didn't recognize the voice as Espana's.

My heart soared. For the first time in a long time (days... months… years, I'm not sure anymore) I saw light.

Standing behind the bars were my people, weapons on their hand, their eyes burning with their desire for freedom. And that was when it all started.

It was the beginning of the rebellion.

**_So I fought…_**

****I held a gun, a product of the western men, and tested its weight. It was heavy. But the **sibat **that my earlier people used alongside the shields was much heavier. I tried it and when I pulled the trigger, a loud bang was heard. I dropped the gun and rubbed my ears.

_Yeowch._

I groaned and rubbed my ears. A gun is useful when it comes to long-ranged killing but it wasn't stealthy. Not at all. It was so unlike killing with a **Bolo Knife, **a **Pana, **an **Intak **or a **Sibat. **I picked it up and glared at it. It is just one of the many things that mock me. It speaks of the many things I've missed about my land as I lived my life in Espana's house.

It's been over half a year since my people broke out of prison. But it only served to anger Espana. He took out his anger on my men and women. He didn't hold pity, even to the children. And it is high time that I fight alongside them.

From the small time that I was free and moving about, I learnt of the changes that occurred, the things that my people had to endured, the unspeakable things that Espana's people had made my people do and their escapades. I learnt of my people's sacrifices to save me, to free me. I learnt of the sacrifices my dear old friends had done. And I learned of the execution of my old friend, Pepe.

I recall how my body shook in terror when I first heard the news. My memories flashed before me. I recall his words the last time we spoke, speaking of the social cancer my people and I possess. He voiced out the truth and yet I was blinded alongside some of my people.

**_I fought not for myself, but for my people's sake…_**

I raised the gun and took my aim. I took a small breath and readied my finger.

**_I won't let anyone else get hurt…_**

****One…

Two…

Three…

**_Even if I get hurt, I'll protect my people…_**

****And I pulled the trigger.

BANG!

**_It's been a long time since I've seen your smile._**

****It was one of the UN meetings. I was bored beyond measure. I was sleep deprived. And more importantly, I want my mangoes.

It's been years since I had last contact with you. I've managed to communicate with my sisters, although it was hard, when I was in America's hold. I really miss you. It may not show much, but it is true.

I was playing with a strand of my hair when I heard America say we're having a new member. I looked up and imagine my surprise when I saw you.

**_I longed for you…_**

My mouthed hanged open. I can't believe it. You look different from how I saw you last. Well, I guess that's a given. I mean, I changed too.

You know, China had to close my mouth for me. Embarrassing, right?

**_I held out my hand for you…_**

****And that I did.

"**Kamusta**," I greeted you. "Welcome to UN. I'm Philippines."

**_It was like De Ja Vu…_**

You took my hand and smiled at me. Admittedly, my heart sped in beating, my throat constricted. _I missed you, _I wanted to say. _I miss you!_

**_Only the other way around…_**

"Thank you," you said. "It is a pleasure to meet you. I am Brunei Darussalam."

My heart cried. For what exactly, I didn't know.

**_Back when it was just you and me…_**

****For the first time in years, I recalled the times we spent together. They were the happy days. Even now that I am free, I can barely call these times _happy. _Especially since you and the rest of the family isn't with me.

I remembered the times we swam in Palawan. How we smile as we watch the **Pawikan's **egg hatch. I recall those times when we laid on the sand, watching the stars.

**_It was a fairytale come true…_**

****I smiled at those memories. It was bittersweet, especially how our love can no longer be.

**_Even without the Glass slipper or Pumpkin carriages or Magic Kiss…_**

I remember how I fell in love with you. It didn't happen with just the first sight or the first touch. It wasn't how we dance underneath the moonlight. It was during that time you stumble and fell when you saw me. I had finished a battle. My body was littered with bruises and cuts and injuries unnamed. I remember how you hugged me tight and told me words that made my heart soar.

**_It was utter bliss…_**

"You are never leaving me again," you said. "I won't let anyone hurt you. I'll always protect you. I promise you." You were openly sobbing, in front of my sisters, of Temasek, of my people. "I love you."

That was the first time I've heard someone, apart from my family, say that with so much sincerity. Your eyes filled with unshed tears and fiery determination.

I didn't know it yet, but I fell in love.

**_I love you but we must part…_**

****The meeting was over, I was immediately swept away by my _hero. _I kept looking back, hoping you wouldn't see. I hoped you'd not know of my mistake. Better yet, I hope you don't recognize me as America yapper away about McDonald and how great their burger is.

I faked a smile and nodded at anything he says.

That was when I saw you. You stood there, rigid. It was obvious you recognized me. There was a flower in your hand.

It was a Sampaguita.

I looked up and met your eyes. I was torn. My heart cried. I wanted to rush into you and embrace you. I wanted to say that you're the only one that I love… that I _have _and _still_ love. But I stayed where I was. My eyes transfixed with yours.

You're horrified expression dissipated. It changed to a façade of emptiness. You nodded at me and proceeded to turn away.

My eyes got misty. America asked if I was hurt anywhere. Wiping my tears away, I shook my head. "No. I'm not hurt…" _Physically, anyway, but my heart is dying as we speak._

**_For my people's sake…_**

****I clung onto his arms, trying to force myself to swallow the bile piling up. I forced myself to see your face whenever I look at him.

Do you want to know why I'm doing this? Hurting myself... Being a Martyr…

Because even though I love you, that love can't compare to my love for my people.


End file.
